insideout.

if at first, you don’t succeed.. December 16, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — alinna @ 1:15 am

so this morning, i got a text message. and at the end of it was a verse (1st corinthians 1:26-31). so, i did what i would normally do, and read it. and since it came from someone who cares a great deal about me, i naturally expected for it to be encouraging and thought provoking, but i can say now that i definitely wasn’t prepared for the ways in which it hit me. i started this page in response to those verses, well not because it said anything about starting a blog once you read them (duh), but because i really feel that there are someone things that you learn in life that are meant for you and maybe someone else along the way, but not for everyone else… but this, to me, was something that i think everyone should understand.. so here goes….
it’s about god. and why he chooses us. not that this is something that we can really figure out, but i think it’s at least worth thinking about. in these six verses, paul is writing to the corinthians, and he challenges them to think about their calling. of course, he reminds them that they’re all (along with himself… paul was a pretty humble guy in general) foolish, weak, without power, and pretty much all together undesirable according to the standards of the world around them. and after he had them all nice and disgusted with themselves, he tells them that for these exact reasons, they are chosen by their father. he says that god knew what he was doing when he chose the weak, foolish, low and despised “nobodies”… he did it to put all of the (suposedly) strong, wise, high and adored “somebodies” to shame. he did it so that no one could boast.. so that no one could think that they had it all together on their own.. so that everyone would have to come to realize that christ should be the source of anything good that comes out of their lives.. and that is has nothing to do with us.
so i started thinking about all of this. why would god PURPOSEFULLY choose people like this? what kind of god does that? why would he specifically choose to bring people to himself that are the very farthest away from being anything like him? why would he pick the weak, tired, doubtful, broken, hated, powerless, awkward, wayward, screw-ups all because that’s what they are? why would he want the people that no one else wants?

and i realized it’s because he’s amazing.

and it’s because he knows that we’ll be the ones who can be compassionate.. because we’ve been there. and we’ll cling to him, because we have nothing else to cling to. because who could be more aware of all he’s changed in their life than the one who is in the most need of changing? and who better to pass on the sincere testimony of that change than the person completely awed by and fully aware of the need that they had for it? who can be more thankful for and aware of their unworthiness than those who have been deprived and left wanting in every area UNTIL their relationship with the father? who better to realize and bask in the feeling of true and unconditional love and commitment than someone who has never experienced it before and longs for nothing else? who could really and truly desire to trust and totally fall into a deeply committed and constant relationship with their maker more so than the one who has been continually failed and abandoned by everyone else around them? who will more closely cling than the one who has never had anything stable to hold on to? who would extend more forgiveness and compassion than the one who has repeatedly fallen and been picked up again?
SO if all of this is true, and the lord can so use all of these “imperfections” in our lives, why are we always trying to hide and run away from them? why do we so despise the so-called broken parts of ourselves? why do i strive to be so perfect and have it all together (EXHAUSTING), when my heavenly father wants nothing more than to takes the things in me that are not of him, mend them, and use the testimony of that to reach the world for him. why am i so afraid of my weakness, when he has promised that he would be made strong in it (2nd corinthians 12:9). why do we feel the need to put on a face that falsely portrays perfection and a lack of need for help, when he longs to be needed by us. why do we strive to be exalted, when he seeks the lowly. because, just like paul said in verse 31, “let the one who boasts, boast in the lord.”
shew… so i guess that’s it. i’m sure it came across with a lot of conviction, but i guess that’s appropriate, because that’s what i was.. convicted… convicted to give myself to him. just as i am. and to allow him to deal with that. : )

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4 Responses to “if at first, you don’t succeed..”

  1. Daniel Says:

    so there are a few grammer errors, but really well done 🙂 just kidding, but seriously about the errors. wow! i think i’m gonna like reading your thoughts. you make me feel shallow in my thinking and it challenges me. Keep up the sharing of your soul online!

  2. Mute Says:

    Your words and thoughts made me tear up.

  3. when are we gonna learn more from you? enjoy the morning…

  4. Casey Says:

    loving your insights, and loving our God. i somewhat randomly found myself here to hear you speak on something pervasive through my life. thanks alinna.


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